"My sister went through cancer treatment three years ago, and she keeps on talking about it. I get that it was a life-changing event, but we both have kids and jobs and other stuff to talk about. Why can't she just forget about it and move on?"
I understand how you might be confused about why your sister is still dealing with her experience with cancer. Like you said, it was a life-changing event and for many survivors of cancer, it is a difficult adjustment back to “normal” life. What is “normal” for you has changed for your sister.
Cancer interrupts the original track of someone’s life; no one plans on cancer jumping into the picture. Though it has been three years since her active treatment, she might still be processing what that experience meant for her life. Perhaps, helping your sister process that might help her to build on new experiences and develop a “new normal.”
It sounds like you want to relate with her about the things that are going on in both of your lives, such as your jobs and children. You might consider processing this adjustment together? Family counseling can be an effective tool to utilize in a situation like this. A mental health professional can help facilitate the conversation and collaboratively work with you to convey everyone’s thoughts and feelings on the matter. This was not just a major life-changing event for your sister; it affected your life, too.
Caregivers can sometimes neglect their role in a post-cancer relationship. Recognize where your frustrations and anxieties are coming from. Family and friends can react in very different ways after the wake of cancer has passed. Sometimes loved ones smother the survivor and other times they avoid the subject of cancer as much as possible. Typically both scenarios boil down to the underlying fear that the cancer will return, and they will lose the person they care about. Instead of letting the fear control your interactions, control the fear by processing it and using it to strengthen your relationship with your loved one.
The Huffington Post has an article about one young woman’s experience of rejoining “normal” life after cancer:
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